


Court sorcerer

by Rona23



Series: Merlin´s  magic [45]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Arthur Finds Out About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Awkward Crush, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Tension, BAMF Merlin (Merlin), Camelot, Court Sorcerer Merlin (Merlin), Dorks in Love, Eye Color, Eye Contact, Gay Panic, Good Morgana (Merlin), Gwaine Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Idiots in Love, M/M, Magic, Merlin is a Little Shit, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Mutual Pining, POV Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Pining, Pining Arthur, Pining Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Pining Merlin (Merlin), Protective Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Protective Merlin, Sexual Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:07:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28484358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rona23/pseuds/Rona23
Summary: Arthur realizes that magic can't be as evil as his father said.He searches out Gaius to learn more about magic.Only for Gaius to suggest making Merlin his court sorcerer.The story spirales from there, as Merlin declines the position at first.And Arthur finds himself liking magic a lot more than he ever believed possible.
Relationships: Gaius & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Gaius & Merlin (Merlin), Lancelot & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Lancelot & Merlin (Merlin), Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: Merlin´s  magic [45]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1588378
Comments: 30
Kudos: 285





	Court sorcerer

**Author's Note:**

> Okay... I can explain  
> Actually I can't. XD   
> Please excuse the eye fuckery. Be warned, there is a lot of sexual tension in this one.   
> I couldn't bring myself to elaborate at the end. I'll leave it to your imagination.
> 
> BTW: Morgana has escaped to live with a bunch of druids. Mordred is also with them. And Gwen joined them a little later.   
> I wanted Morgana to be .... not there to witness her brothers ... escapades. She should thank me for it, really. She is happy there with Gwen at her side.

Arthur had the strange feeling that the amount of magical incidents in Camelot was only increasing in numbers.  
When he was still a prince, his father had killed every person who ever as much as looked at a magical word the wrong way.  
With the death penalty those actions resulted in far too many executions for a child to bear witness to. Too many for any person to bear to watch.   
Arthur may have been the prince, but even HE was scared of his father. 

Do you, in present day, know that feeling when you're at the supermarket or a cloth shop and you pass those alarm bars and you get really anxious, because what if the alarm goes of and you accidentally have a gun on you? 

Or you drive by a police station and be like: “What if they find a corpse in the trunk of my car?  
What if I'm on drugs without knowing it? I can't loose my license. How would I go to work? Seriously, the thought of prison or being the survivor of physical abuse doesn't even cross your mind. You're like: A corpse? In MY car? More likely than you'd think.”  
I'm drifting of. (1)

Anyway, that's how Arthur felt.  
“What if I accidentally use magic?” Arthur didn't know how spells worked. Or what language they were in. What if some of them were similar to their own language?  
What if half the people that were executed were just calling their children by their name and BAM, conjured a curse upon the land that would kill all of man kind?  
Would his father kill him too?

Okay, maybe Arthur was well aware that someone must be very knowledgeable and powerful to manage a spell like that.   
But his point stands.   
He was exaggerated, surely. But he could imagine it. The anxiety and the fears his father had indoctrinated into his brain made him see potential sorcerers everywhere. Even in himself.  
Anyone could use magic. 

How else do people use magic if there are basically no books and no knowledge about it anymore, since all evidence and researches had been destroyed?  
Arthur wondered, if maybe some people just stumbled upon magic somehow.  
Or maybe found one of the not burned magic books and accidentally read a spell out loud. Could they really all be held responsible for that?  
For accidents?

Magic was powerful. People felt drawn to power. And magic was a power that could grand you anything. Could give you anything you wanted. And you wouldn't even be aware of the price you had to pay for it. Speaking of which. Why did his father never specify what that price was?

Arthur knew that if he himself were in peril, he'd consider magic an option. To get out of whatever troubling situation he found himself in. He would turn to magic, if there was no other choice. If he could safe a life with it.   
Had done so, when he tried to safe his own father's life.   
Surely, the people of this land felt the similar?  
Maybe they didn't have a choice? Maybe they were starving and magic was the only option?

Maybe the fact that so many people attacked Camelot with magic wasn't a coincidence?  
What if Arthur was just a bad king who couldn't meet his people's expectations? Or worse. Their needs? Perhaps the people turned to magic because Arthur didn't protect them enough.   
What if Arthur took too much and gave too little in return?

Maybe instead of harming sorcerers, of killing them for their actions, maybe he needed to improve the conditions that his people faced everyday instead.   
Give his people options to turn to other means than magic.

Arthur had, after his father's death, already lowered the penalties regarding sorcerers. He viewed every case individually. He found reasoning for magic of any kind.   
Revenge wasn't a rare one. But the reason was stated less and less, as Arthur refused to kill his own people. No deaths meant less angry relatives. Which meant less people who wanted revenge. 

Instead, the numbers regarding other reasons increased. Of hunger, fear and even love at times. More people dared to use magic, because they believed Arthur to be fair. Because Arthur believed in second chances. That's why there was more and more magic to begin with.  
But somehow.... not in a negative way.

Word got around about that.   
Arthur feared that his sensible heart caused the kingdom to return to the old religion. The ways of magic and death and blood sacrifices. But so far – his fears were proven wrong. 

Arthur needed help. He needed to talk to someone who was knowledgeable about magic. Someone who could teach him the basics. Since his father never told him anything other than “magic is evil.”

Arthur never understood why his father had burned all those books. Knowledge was a weapon stronger than any sword.   
Much to Arthur's own chagrin, really. But Geoffrey, who had taught him almost everything he knew about the kingdom, history, languages, etc etc, had made sure to knock this into his head. 

Knowing what your people needed, knowing who they were, knowing what or who you were fighting, could in the end determine the results of war. It could increase his kingdom's chances without asking for unnecessary casualties.   
Knowledge was what lead a war. Not the sword itself.   
A single man with a sword could never win a war. But a single man who knew how to lead, who knew strategy and was aware of every detail of his plans, could win over an army with words alone.  
He could avoid wars or win them with a few well thought through sentences. He could unite the entire kingdom, if he did his bidding well. 

Arthur was scared that he wasn't smart enough for this. That his own lack of intelligence would maybe one day be the downfall of this kingdom. So far, however, his people seemed to believe in him. And his leadership. So maybe he wasn't doing too bad.   
After all, Arthur's father had lead with fear and – not to insult him or anything – made some really questionable choices during his reign. Not to say stupid ones. 

Arthur needed to be smarter. He needed to know more.  
Arthur needed help. With magic. But who did he know whom he could ask for advice? Who knew enough about magic to teach him?  
Of course, he could think of but one person. Gaius. The court physician. 

Uther Pendragon had trusted this man during his reign, despite the fact that Gaius used to actively practice magic. Gaius had sworn to never use it again. And Arthur believed in that promise just as his father had. Which rose the question, if Arthur should grand other people the chance to make that same promise. 

At the dawn of day, long before his own servant would awake, Arthur dared to sneak though his own castle towards the chambers of the court physician. 

He didn't dare involve Merlin in this. 

Gaius had just announced that Merlin was ready to be a physician himself. And allegedly, Merlin was very skilled at it. Not talented, Arthur remembered the beginning of Merlin's career choice and how badly he had been in bandaging the simplest of wounds. But every man could out skill talent. A talented man, who relies on talent alone, will never beat an untalented one who worked himself up to learn the skills. Who nurtured his knowledge and constantly improved it as best as he could. (2)  
And Merlin had managed to become an excellent physician. A fact that had surprised even the man himself. 

Arthur just didn't want to involve him into something so potentially dangerous. Something that Merlin was clearly scared of. And he didn't want to alarm Merlin to realize that his guardian had been a sorcerer all along. Whether of not he already knew was a different question.   
But Arthur didn't want to unnecessarily pressure Gaius into telling Merlin his story. Or make him think that Arthur used Merlin as a witness to have reason to execute the old physician.  
And he didn't want to hear Merlin complaining about “what a stupid idea” this actually was.   
Seriously, Arthur granted his servant's opinion far too much attention. 

He shook his head, as he walked passed the alcoves in the corridors that Morgana and him used to play hide and seek in, when they were younger. So many hiding places....  
No wonder their sorcerer's always escaped. They had shitty dungeons, too many hiding places, too drunk to be useful guards. Arthur shook his head. That was a topic for another day.   
Right now, he had to look for Gaius.

And it was safer and smarter to search Gaius out on his own. Talk to him in private and see what he could learn about the number one evil, Camelot knew so little about.

\------------------------------------------------------------

When Arthur finally reached the physician's chambers and slipped through the smallest of gaps he managed to make with the old creaking wooden door, Gaius was already awake.   
Did Gaius even sleep to begin with?

Truth be told, Arthur couldn't remember a single time where he had found Gaius asleep in his own chambers. He was usually always awake and working on some steaming potions or he was buried into one of his giant books. Like right now.  
Gaius looked up from his encyclopedia about human anatomy in a language Arthur recognized as Latin. He looked surprised to see him. No wonder. Arthur was rarely awake at this early an hour. Gaius must think something had happened. He immediately put the book down. Of course, he would confirm that theory:  
“Good morning, Sire. Did something happen? Or are you searching for Merlin? I can wake him up, if you -”

“No no, please stay quiet.”, Arthur almost hissed at Gaius's loud voice and held a finger to his lips. Cautiously he looked into the direction of Merlin's room, where the door was closed shut. You could neither see nor hear anything, so Arthur hoped that Merlin was still fast asleep. 

“I need to talk to you. And only you.”, Arthur whispered, loud enough to be heard by Gaius. And probably by the rest of the entire kingdom as well.  
“Sire?”, Gaius raised his famous eyebrow.   
Arthur hurried over. He was still in his night gowns, as was Gaius. It had something familiar to sit here like this. Unprotected and private. As it had, when Arthur was still a child and he fought with Morgana and needed someone to talk to. 

Since his own father knew nothing about comforting children, or rather thought teaching how to kill rabbits or showing him how to write speeches about the necessity of taxes was a form of fatherly love, Arthur had often searched out Gaius. (Also Uther often picked Morgana's side in their quarrels.)  
They would sit together and drink tea and Arthur may have gotten a hug here and there. Or learned how to draw by studying yet another one of those anatomy books.   
Arthur had no use for it, but he was pretty skilled at drawing at this point.   
Which was sad, considering this was a testimony of how often his father had neglected him. As a result, it also wasn't his favorite hobby. He only drew when he was in pain. So he associated drawing in a negative way and even tried to avoid it. (3)

“I would like to talk to you about something.”  
“You may ask me anything, Sire. You are my king. I'm certain there is nothing you couldn't talk to me about?”  
Arthur swallowed dryly and took a deep breath.  
“I need to know more about magic.”

Gaius expression cleared from the initial confusion. Then he sat up straight.   
“What is there you'd like to know?”  
Arthur gave him a stern and serious look.   
“I need to know as much as possible. I need to know how it works, why people use it. HOW people use it. I need to know how YOU used it in your time, back when magic was still legal. I need to know what people pay as a price for using magic.   
I need to know everything.”

There was a beat of silence. All Arthur could hear was his own heart beat and his eyes kept skipping towards the door to Merlin's room. Like the man himself may just jump from behind it and start the lecture Arthur was so dreading to hear. 

“Sire, you are asking quite a lot of me.”

“I swear to you, whatever is spoken between us, will remain a secret. I merely wish to know what my father has taught me to fight all those years.”

“Sire, this is treason -”

“I understand that your views on magic are different than mine. And especially to those of my father. You have connections to sorcerer's, have you not? You send me to the man who was supposed to heal my father's illness.” Arthur's voice dropped at the last few words and his eyes cast down to the table. He saw the guilt shining in Gaius's eyes even before he had finished the sentence. Gaius was well aware that the magic the sorcerer Dragoon used on his father was what killed him in the end. 

Though Gaius had later told him that someone had aided Uther's death with a pendant that would reverse all magical attempts of healing ten fold. The sorcerer had merely failed to notice it. Or, as a part of Arthur feared, placed it there himself. Perhaps, to sound believable when he told Arthur why he failed. That way Arthur would have been bound to keep his promise of lifting the ban and yet Uther Pendragon would be dead. Arthur liked to imagine he was wrong. Because Arthur made it quite obvious to the sorcerer, what he thought of him. 

But he couldn't be sure. 

Arthur was still uncertain what to think of the old man who always seemed to appear randomly. And behaved stranger than any man Arthur had ever had the misfortune to stumble across.  
Apart from Merlin maybe. 

“I do know some sorcerer's, Sire. Indeed. But the fewest I would put my trust upon.”

“And yet, there ARE sorcerer's you trust.”, Arthur nodded. “And you believe the ban on magic is unjustified.”  
Gaius opened his mouth to counter, but Arthur cut him off half way. “Don't deny it, Gaius. I know -”

“No, Sire. I do believe it IS justified.. Magic has caused much harm and chaos before it was banned. But I admit that I believe that a ban was not the best course of action.  
However, I need not remind you that I accepted your fathers decision and I have respected his wishes. I haven't used magic ever since the ban was installed. I have always supported you and him. And I have never tried to harm either of you. ”

“I am well aware, Gaius.”, Arthur nodded seriously. And he saw how Gaius's expression softened a little. Had he been scared of Arthur?  
Something in Arthur's guts clenched painfully. Gaius was like family to him. Arthur couldn't stand to imagine his own family being scared of him. If his own family had to fear him – what about the rest of the kingdom?

“Are you still able to use magic, Gaius?”  
“I would never dare -”  
“That is not the question, Gaius.” There was a pause between them. Gaius leaned back in his chair and took a sip from a cup of tea that had long stopped steaming and Arthur could only imagine how cold it must be by now.   
Gaius did not seem faced by it.   
“I wouldn't know for sure, your majesty. But I would assume I haven't forgotten everything about it.”

Arthur sat up a littler straighter as well now. “Would you show me?”, he asked and immediately regretted the request.  
Gaius regarded him one stern expression, before setting down his cup.   
“Sire, -”, once more, Gaius was interrupted.

“I'm sorry.”, Arthur hurried to stop him, because he could see the discomfort in Gaius expression.  
“I didn't mean to – I wouldn't- I don't want to put you in any danger, Gaius. I know that magic corrupts and -”

“Magic does not corrupt, Sire.”  
Arthur blinked. His mouth still open, as he was still trying to speak, but Gaius looked at him almost amused at his lack of knowledge. The discomfort had faded into something like fond pity.  
“It doesn't?”, he asked and tilted his head.   
“Arthur.”, Gaius send him something akin to a smile. And as he let down all facades of formality, Arthur realized this conversation had somehow turned private. 

“Magic usually does not need a price. There is a balance. If you wanted to create a life, yes, you'd have to give a life for it. But that is advanced and dark magic. Hardly anyone is able to use it.   
Other than that, magic is about as dangerous as a sword.”  
Arthur frowned. “Swords are dangerous, though.”

“A sword is not more and not less dangerous than it's wielder. Mind I remind you that swords are not banned in Camelot, but worn at every moment? You have come here in private and yet you carry a sword.” Arthur involuntarily looked down. It was true. He was merely in his sleep garments and yet he carried a weapon around. Gaius continued. 

“Magic is much the same. Only that it is part of a magic user. I haven't used magic in years. But it is still there. It is webbed into the fabric of the world, Arthur. I cannot put it aside or sell it, like you could a sword. I can only promise not to use it.”

“But my father -”  
“Your fathers views on magic were based on fear, my lord. Magic is more dangerous than a sword, that is true.   
Magic is power. And often people who are handed power, misuse it for their own goals.   
But someone who truly worships the old religion, who sees the beauty of it, would never use it to hurt anyone.”

There was another heavy moment of silence.   
Arthur felt something heavy form in his stomach. “My fathers actions have created more enemies than it did any good, haven't they?”

Gaius looked pained now, but also a little surprised that this was Arthur's genuine reaction.   
Not one of fear and hatred. Or, dare say defensiveness over his fathers rule.   
No. Arthur took to heart what Gaius was saying, as though he had anticipated something like this.   
Arthur only looked at Gaius and that gave him the answer he needed. 

“Thank you Gaius. I will take my leave for now. You've given me a lot to think about. ”

Arthur stood up and went for the door, but Gaius stopped him. “Perhaps it is time for you to find yourself a court sorcerer, Sire.”

Arthur stopped and turned around. “A what?”

“A court sorcerer, my lord, is a sorcerer whose job it is to advice their king in all matters of magic.”  
“Magic is still illegal in Camelot.”  
Gaius smiled at that.   
“It is also illegal to kill in Camelot and yet your knights are excepted from that rule, so they may fight those who try to appease your laws. Murder is illegal, but death is the punishment for such crimes.   
A court sorcerer would merely be an exception to ensure that this kingdom cannot be overthrown by magic users. Magic is more powerful than any sword, Sire. And magical beasts have killed far too many of your men. Maybe it would do this kingdom good to have some advanced defenses.”

“Gaius -”, Arthur took a deep breath. That... that was true.  
“Would I not be a hypocrite to be using magic at my own court, but deny everyone else that liberty?”  
Gaius stared ahead, right through him an waited. Until Arthur noticed that the rules about weapons and murder already made him a hypocrite. Kind of. Is there a thing like a reasonable hypocrite?

“But perhaps you're right. Perhaps the laws on magic are wrong. Maybe I need someone to help me learn about magic first. Maybe then I can determine whether or not magic is good or evil. And then decide about the laws.   
I could make ONE exception to the rule. I need to be sure that people don't use magic for evil.  
But Gaius, I need someone whom I can trust. Would YOU -”

“No, Sire.”, Gaius smiled. “I do not believe I am capable to have two grand jobs at once. I am flattered that you consider me an option. But you would need someone younger than me. I am too old to use magic properly anyway.”

Arthur exhaled slowly and nodded. “Do you know someone?”, he asked and Gaius expression softened even further.

“You are right, Sire. You need someone you can trust. Someone whom you would trust with your own life AND the life of the entire kingdom. Someone whose opinion you regard of the highest value. It should not be someone only I know, though. But, I do believe I may have the right person for you.”

Arthur blinked at him. “You know such a person?”  
“I do. I could wake him, if you'd like.”  
And to Arthur's horror, Gaius pointed in the direction of Merlin's room. 

“MERlin?”, Arthur asked, absolutely gobsmacked. He hated to admit it, but he did trust Merlin as much as Gaius just hinted at. But that was not the point.   
“Merlin can't use magic!”  
“Anyone with half a mind can use magic, Sire.”  
Arthur gave him a look that asked if Gaius even knew that they were talking about Merlin here.

“Don't look at me like that. You didn't believe Merlin to be a capable physician either. I am sure he will not disappoint you.”

“This could take years!”  
“Merlin is a fast learner. I'm sure you'll be surprised.”  
“The only thing I am surprised by is that you're even SUGGESTING -”

Their conversation was interrupted, when suddenly Merlin's door creaked open. In the door frame stood a tired looking Merlin, with shadows under his eyes. He was only half dressed, but wore his usual clothes. He had a thin blanket draped over his shoulders. His hair was as messy as ever and he stifled a yawn.  
'Bloody hell, does he sleep in those?', Arthur noticed and then realized that maybe Merlin had overheard. He paled. 

“Can you be any more noisy this early in the morning?”, Merlin asked and looked out the window, where the sun was still rising.   
Then he noticed Arthur. And instead of bowing or addressing him in any other acceptable form of courtesy reserved for a king, he just blinked and said: “Arthur, you're up?”

Gaius was smiling evilly, as he said what Arthur was mentally begging him not to say.   
“Merlin, would you be interested in learning magic?”  
Arthur felt his stomach drop and he wanted to desperately sink into the ground beneath them.   
Merlin would definitely lecture him.   
Merlin would definitely tell him how stupid he thought Arthur was.   
Arthur felt ashamed for even rethinking the laws on magic, now that Merlin's gaze had settled on him. 

Merlin looked from Gaius to Arthur, as his mouth dropped and he clearly didn't know what to say.   
“What?”, he asked, sounding scandalized and panicked all of a sudden. 

Arthur closed his eyes to face the lecture he had imagined Merlin hold over him for many many nights in a row. Lectures of why this was a bad idea, how evil and dangerous magic was. How irresponsible it was to even consider legalizing magic.   
And now, thanks to Gaius, what a betrayal it was to ask his own friends to act against the law for him. How unfair it was to test their loyalty like that. 

“What for?”, Merlin gulped and forced Arthur to look at him.   
Well, there was no point in denying it. Maybe Gaius was right. It was worth a shot, right?  
'Oh god, here it goes.'  
“I have realized -”, Arthur said and fiddled with the hem of his nightshirt. “-that the magic users who have been imprisoned in those past few weeks have all used magic to heal their crops or their sick families and animals.   
I haven't condemned sorcerer's to death for quite a while and the cases of murders have been reduced drastically ever since.”

Gaius raised an eyebrow again. This had not been part of their conversation from earlier. But it was a good point. And it explained why Arthur came to Gaius in the first place.

“I believe that maybe magic is not as evil as I was taught to believe. And Gaius said it would maybe be a good idea to have a court sorcerer who could teach me more about magic. And help defend Camelot and -”, he took a deep breath. “He suggested that you may learn magic to become that sorcerer. Because I need someone I trust at my side.”

Arthur hoped that bringing Gaius opinion into this would stop Merlin's judging expression. But Merlin's expression was utterly unreadable as Arthur waited for him to answer.

Merlin gaped at him for a moment. Eyes wide. Emotions and beginnings of talks (probably lectures) flashing in his eyes as he eyed him up and down.   
For a single moment, Arthur felt like a pig who was scanned to determine if he was worth the butchers knife. There was something wild in Merlin's expression, but he was holding himself back.  
The atmosphere had turned serious. Merlin stood up more regally, as though he was wearing a uniform and not a blanket against the cold. 

For the first time, since Arthur had met Merlin, the servant bowed to him. Granted, it wasn't truly the first time he had done that, but for once there was no hint of sarcasm. And also, no actual reason for him to do so. The situation clearly did not call for him to do so.   
And if it did, Merlin was the last person Arthur imagined to follow that courtesy.

This was not a figment of Arthur's imagination. Merlin was nervous and referring to his pride as manservant to the king, as he finally opened his mouth.   
“I'm sorry, Sire. But I don't think I'm fit for the job.”

“Merlin -”, Gaius interrupted, but Merlin just straightened up again.   
“No, Gaius.”, Merlin stared at his guardian for one intense moment, before returning his gaze to Arthur. “I am your servant, Sire. And I am proud to be that.”

Arthur nodded in understanding. “I didn't expect you to agree.” 'In fact, I'm kinda surprised you haven't lectured me on the whole thing yet.', Arthur thought to himself as he turned around.   
But Merlin stood there, extremely bothered by something. 

“But Arthur, if you want to do this, you have to think about it carefully. You can't have a random sorcerer here at court.”, Merlin suddenly said.   
Arthur paused, not looking at him. But listening intently.

“It's not just the sorcerer who would be in danger, Arthur. You would be as well. And what would your people think, if you suddenly turn to magic users for no apparent reason?  
I can't have you make yourself a target. You can't tell their intentions. You wouldn't know what kind of person you'd let into your life. You have to choose someone who is loyal to you, above all else. Don't bother about the extends of their abilities. Just make sure they won't want to harm you or Camelot, ever.”  
Merlin was struggling to say this..   
Arthur turned back to him once more. Head tilted, as he tried to read what Merlin was fighting himself for. 

Arthur's look at him softened.  
“Is THIS what you're worried about?”  
'That you'd hurt me?', he didn't say. Maybe Merlin did believe magic corrupted, like Arthur had until Gaius corrected him on it. 

There was another beat of silence, but Arthur didn't need an answer. He could read it in Merlin's eyes. Merlin was afraid of using magic. But that wasn't the thing that worried him the most. He was scared for Arthur's well being.   
Merlin did not desire the power that may come with using magic or with the title of court sorcerer. In fact, he seemed rather wary of it.   
His only real concern was Arthur. And the kingdom. And if that didn't say everything Arthur needed to know about Merlin's character, then he didn't know what else there was to know.   
Arthur made his decision. 

“Very well.”, Arthur nodded. Surprised to find, that he actually agreed with Gaius on this matter. “Then I think Gaius is right. From today on, you will start to learn everything there is to know about magic. After that you WILL be court sorcerer.   
I expect you with breakfast in my chambers shortly. Do not be late.”

Merlin's eyes were widening with every word and his glance so fixed on Arthur, that Arthur could swear they would be bulging out of their sockets soon. “Arthur, wait -”

“You don't have a choice in this, Merlin.”

The entire situation oddly reminded him of the day where he had knighted Lancelot, Gwaine, Percival and Elyan. It had been the first time they all sat at the round table and Arthur had asked his men to fight at his side with him to win back reign over Camelot.   
Merlin had said: “No, I don't really fancy it.”, when Arthur asked him, if he truly wanted to fight at his side. In response, Arthur had just told him that he didn't have a say in the matter.   
It had been a joke between them then.   
Arthur had the feeling that this situation was similar. Only that this joke was strangely one sided.   
Arthur's night robes fluttered behind him, as the doors shut behind him.   
But he couldn't get that desperate look in Merlin's eyes from his mind. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------

“GAIUS!”, Merlin gasped, long after Arthur had already left.   
“I must say, you never cease to surprise me, Merlin. I thought this was what you wanted.”

Merlin turned around on his heels. Never really leaving his spot.   
“Are you MAD, Gaius? YOU told me to never use magic openly in Camelot and NOW you tell Arthur to make me court sorcerer? Are you nuts?!”

Gaius blinked disapprovingly and only watched as Merlin started to pace in the small room.   
His breathing was quickening and he ran his hands through his hair.   
“Merlin, Arthur has come to me to ask my advise about magic. And when I introduced the subject of court sorcerer to him, he seemed to think it was a good idea.   
Merlin, Arthur is doubting the laws on magic. He is WILLING to learn and maybe even repeal the ban!  
If you don't seek recognition now, then you never will.”

“Maybe I don't WANT the recognition!”, Merlin stopped and pointed at Gaius who flinched back in surprise.

“You may think you know everything I went through, because I told you a lot. But even YOU don't know everything, Gaius.   
But you shouldn't NEED to to see that this is absolute MADNESS.   
I have KILLED with my magic! I have betrayed friends who needed my help. I have made decisions that were wrong both morally and in the great scheme of things!  
I've LIED to Arthur for so long, I don't even know how to tell him the TRUTH anymore!   
And now you expect me to start a NEW lie? For what? Pray tell me what would that achieve! If anything, you're putting me at RISK.  
What if I can't convince him that magic can be used for good? I can't very well tell him that I've only used it for good, because we both know that is not true.”

Gaius's mouth opened, but Merlin let himself plump into the next seat.   
Gaius wanted to ask, what new lie Merlin was talking about. Until he realized that Arthur would only see Merlin beginning to learn magic. Not know that Merlin was actually born with it and didn't – in fact – just start his education on the matter.

“You could finally be yourself.”

“ Can't you see it? I would still be lying to him.”, Merlin turned his head to him in disbelieve.   
“You could tell him the truth.”, Gaius commented, but Merlin only huffed a snort. 

“And tell him that I've always lied to him? Tell him I've betrayed him for years? It's too late.”, he shook his head and crossed his arms in acceptance. “Lying is part of who I am now.”

It was quiet. The sound of singing birds outside the window sounded strange and foreign in their ears.   
“What happened to the young man who came into these chambers all those years ago? The one who loved magic. The one who had dreams and goals in his life? The one who wanted to tell Arthur?”, Gaius asked, shocked in the worst way imaginable.

Merlin looked down on the table. Tears were starting to prickle in his eyes.   
“He listened to you.”

'And the dragon.', but he didn't say that. Gaius knew what they had done all those years. What they had asked of him. What they had forced him to do. How they had manipulated him. And if Gaius couldn't put one and one together, it was time he sat down and learned his fucking math.   
With that Merlin stood up and went for his room. Leaving Gaius behind in his chambers, completely thrown of guard by the frustration his ward was still facing with this.

\-----------------------------------------

“Merlin, you're late.”, Arthur said, as Merlin entered the room. He had knocked.  
Arthur frowned. Something was wrong. Merlin never knocked.  
Merlin had a tray of breakfast in his arms. But he looked strangely worn, as though he had been crying. Yet, he greeted Arthur with a smile. 

“Merlin, sit down.”, Arthur was already dressed. But Merlin didn't even comment on it, as he sat down next to Arthur at his desk.   
Before that, he put down the tray of food right in front of Arthur.   
Normally, he would have stolen a few blueberries or something of the like. Right now, Merlin just sat there and stared at the tray like the world was ending soon. 

“I stopped by in the library. I asked Geoffrey for a few magic books. You should have seen his face, when I asked for them. He looked like I was going to burn him alive.”

“Does that surprise you.”, Merlin's answer was almost monotone, despite the fake smile he send Arthur. 

Arthur sighed. “No. I know. But when I told him that I'm trying to reinstall the position of a court sorcerer, he almost threw them in my face, that's how excited he was.”  
As if to proof his point, Arthur pointed at five different kinds of spell books. 

“He said those are all he could safe before the purge.” Arthur opened one of the books.   
According to the pictures, it was a book about potions of some sort. At least there were a lot of herbs illustrated within. Arthur figured this was probably the safest book to start with, since Merlin would probably recognize the herbs described in it.   
At least Arthur hoped that is what was written there. It was written in the language of the old religion. He himself was unable to read it. But perhaps Gaius would be able to help them with that.  
He would ask him later.

“Poison and Antidotes. A guide to magical induced potions. Handy, my lord.”, Merlin had barely looked at the title, as he read it out loud, throwing Arthur right off guard.  
Arthur paused, tilting his head at him. How was Merlin able to.....  
OH, right. Maybe Gaius had already taught him the language. Gaius was the court physician. Surely he had old books about potions that were written in the old language.   
Surely that was why Merlin knew it already. Well, that was only beneficial for their plan.

“Do you think we should start with this one?”

Merlin bit his lip, then grabbed for the smallest of the books.   
“Wouldn't this one be perfect?”, he asked, but Arthur only tapped on the tray, where he was currently working on his bread.   
Arthur raised an eyebrow. Not wanting to appear less educated than his manservant, he did not mention his inability to read the books.   
“What makes you say that?”

“The title literally says it all. Basics for magical spells. An introduction.” Merlin was tense, that much was obvious.

Arthur blinked and set his knife down. “What about that one?”, he pointed at another smaller book.   
“Magical beasts and where to find them....”, Merlin read out loud. (4)  
“Not bad, but it's probably better, if we start small, don't you agree?”  
Arthur nodded, agreeing. Yes. He couldn't send Merlin out to defeat magical beasts right from the get go. 

“What about the other two?”, he pointed at the last two books who looked quite similar to the basic magic spell books Merlin had just showed him.   
Merlin blinked, then put up the one who lay on top of the pile and opened the first page to read the title.

“This is another spell book. But with advanced magic and this -”

Merlin blinked, before slowly opening the last book. Arthur wasn't entirely sure, but the language on this book looked even more different then the others.   
“I think this might be the diary of an old court sorcerer.”, Merlin opened the first page. Then his eyes widened. “Actually no. It belongs to a dragon lord, I believe. And I think it DOES have educational purpose.”

Arthur sat up and stopped chewing. “Is this a book about how to become a dragon lord?”  
Merlin shook his head. “No. It's a guide FOR dragon lords.   
Gaius informed me that the genes of a dragon lord are inherited from father to son. You can't become a dragon lord. You have to be born as one. And your father has to die for you to inherit the abilities.”

Arthur stared at Merlin. “That is... good to know?”  
'Wait, does that mean, if Balinor had a son, he could have potentially saved Camelot from the Dragon back then?', Arthur thought and stared at his plate.  
Interesting that Merlin knew this. Couldn't he have told him when the dragon attacked? Or had he only learned of this after? Or didn't he find the information important, because he didn't believe Balinor to have a son?  
Or did Merlin know Balinor's son and wanted to protect – No. That made no sense. Camelot had suffered so many casualties, Balinor's son couldn't be more important than all of those people combined.   
Arthur shook his head at himself. He shouldn't dwell too much at those thoughts. 

Weren't dragon lords banished from Camelot, because their abilities were magical, anyway?  
Could you be born with magical abilities? The question hit him suddenly. If people could be born with magic, that was like his father had selected people with, let's say a different eye color and used that as reasoning to burn them. 

Merlin just nodded, staring at the author's name in thought. “Balinor wrote it.”, he finally said and for the first time since he entered the room, a small smile grazed his lips. A surprised smile, but a smile non the less. 

Arthur exhaled a deep breath that he had not known he'd been holding. 

“Merlin, I know you're nervous.”, Arthur finally dared to say and put a comforting hand on Merlin's shoulder.   
“But you can do it, I'm certain.”

“Are you sure, it is wise for you to choose ME of all people to learn this?”

Arthur nodded without a second thought. “You said it yourself. I need to be able to trust my court sorcerer. I trust you. And I'm positive you harbor no ill intentions towards the crown of Camelot.   
However, should you ever feel like you'd use magic for evil, please tell me beforehand.”

“What would you do, if that happens.”, Merlin's smile had left him almost immediately, as if Arthur's words promised only death to him. Maybe that's what it sounded like.

“Then I'd take away all means of using magic from you.”, Arthur said seriously..   
Merlin snorted at that.   
Whatever the joke was, Arthur didn't bother to understand it. At least he was laughing.   
Just - why was Merlin not meeting his eyes?

“So... would you like to try one?”, Arthur finally asked, after Merlin had started reading the first page of the dragon lord book and got utterly lost in the words. However, even after five minutes, he failed to flip the page. 

“Try what?”, Merlin's head snapped up.   
“A spell, Merlin. For god's sake. What do you think we're doing here?” Arthur send him a humorous grin. He felt nervous. But at this point the anticipation had to back off, because the scandalized and terrified expression in Merlin's face demanded to be calmed.   
Arthur didn't want Merlin to be terrified. So he had to make sure he felt safe in his presence. Even though Arthur was just as nervous.

“Don't worry. We'll start with a small one. Like... maybe lift this grape or something?”, Arthur pointed at the grape he had just wanted to eat and put it back on the table.   
Merlin stared at the grape. 

“Come on, Merlin. I'm sure the spell will be on one of the first pages. I've seen sorcerer's use it. Even the worst sorcerer's I've ever encountered hardly ever needed to use the spells for it.   
Surely we can start with this one. They lifted much bigger objects with the spell.”  
Merlin was still not moving. If anything, he was shrinking into his seat. For a man whom Arthur regarded as the bravest he had ever met, Merlin surely was scared a lot.  
Maybe that was what made him so brave. Merlin faced more fears than any man Arthur knew. 

Arthur sighed, then flipped the basic magic spell book open and shoved it over to Merlin.  
Merlin's eyes flickered between the page and Arthur and now Arthur could tell that Merlin was breathing hard.   
“Come on, just try it. It's okay, if it doesn't work immediately.”, Arthur tried to encourage him, but Merlin stared at the page. His eyes glassy, as though he couldn't really read what was written there.

Arthur also expected Merlin to flip the pages, because it was nearly impossible with Arthur's lack of knowledge of the language, that he had accidentally opened the right page on the first try.  
But Merlin took a deep breath, eyes still flickering between the page, Arthur and now the grape.   
Now, however, he held his hand over the grape and closed his eyes for a moment. 

Arthur's own breath got stuck in his throat. After all, he himself was also scared of the consequences of Merlin using magic. Arthur gripped the table harshly, until his knuckles turned wide. But Merlin was too focused on the spells to notice. 

Then he began to stutter something under his breath. It was basically inaudible and with all the shaking in Merlin's stance, Arthur was already sinking back into his seat with a mix of relief and disappointment. His hands left off of the table.  
Convinced that there was no way that they grape would even pretend to be moving by Merlin's lack of intent to make it move. 

But then, for the very first time, Arthur witnessed Merlin's eyes turn gold.   
Arthur sat up. For the fraction of a second, fear flashed in his mind. But it was easily replaced by fascination as he saw the magic gather in those usually blue eyes.   
And the grape lifted from the table. Merely a few inches.   
But it did what it should. It did what the spell should. Despite Merlin's incompetence to pronounce the words correctly. 

As if burned, Merlin let his hand sink. And then his eyes turned back to blue, the grape rolled from the table and hit the ground. Merlin closed his eyes. Now shuddering uncontrollably. That didn't hurt, did it?

“Merlin, you did it!”, Arthur breathed. Strangely excited that it had worked and seemingly nothing bad had happened.   
But then his own smile fell, as he saw Merlin sweating with panic and covering his face with his hands. 

“Merlin!”, Arthur gently pried the hands away, so Merlin was forced to look at him.   
Merlin immediately jumped to his feat. “If that will be all, Sire.”, he said and was already heading for the door.

“Merlin, wait. That didn't hurt, did it?”, Arthur stood up as well. He felt the urge to make sure that Merlin was okay. Though he was confused that Merlin didn't feel overjoyed by the fact that he just managed to use magic.   
'Holy shit. Merlin just used magic.'

Merlin just shook his head in surprise at the mere question. Arthur sighed in relief. So it didn't hurt. Good. Then Merlin kept staring at him, as though that wasn't what Arthur had called him back for.

“Don't forget these.”, Arthur said as his brain reminded him of the magic books and he scrambled them together to shove them into Merlin's arms.   
“Learn everything that is written in there.”  
Merlin's eyes widened. “Everything?”, he mouthed. 

“And tomorrow, you'll light a candle with magic. Alright?”, Arthur made sure to smile at Merlin. To ensure Merlin that he was not in danger. That Arthur wasn't going to kill him. That HE had asked for it and Merlin was just doing his job obeying his orders. It wasn't hard on Arthur, really. Because he was truly excited and happy that it had worked.   
No regrets. No fear in his voice. 

“Yes, Sire.”, Merlin said weakly and stumbled over the weight of magic books in his arms.   
Good thing that Geoffrey had burnished the titles off of the outside of the book. It was impossible for an outsider to see what kinds of books Merlin was carrying. That is, IF they were able to read those languages. 

“And Merlin.”  
Merlin stopped, just as he reached the door.   
“You've done well. Thank you.”  
Merlin turned around, wearing yet another pained smile. And then he left without any form of response.  
Arthur was left standing there with his thoughts. 

\----------------------------------------------

Not gonna lie, Arthur was irritated. Excited and scared at the same time. 

The first few minutes since Merlin had left had been wonderful. Surely, he was confused at Merlin's constant struggle and fear and stuff. An expression that Arthur was usually used to on the battle field, never in his own bed chambers.   
Other than that, Arthur had felt bliss and pride that it had worked. Merlin. His manservant. His insolent, bumbling fool of a friend had easily used magic. 

Despite clearly not wanting to.   
That's when the realization hit him unwanted and intrusively. Merlin had not wanted to use magic. The way he had shuddered and shivered while using it, the way he had clearly stumbled over the words – maybe Merlin had tried his best NOT to use magic. Even if that was not the case, it should not have worked at all.

If it was so easy to use it, to accidentally use it, then wasn't the mere reason why he searched for Gaius that morning completely warranted?  
People could use magic on accident. Against their own will. What if at least half the people who had been burned for having magic, didn't even intent to use it?  
Arthur felt sick, as he let himself fall back into his seat. His father had killed innocent people.   
Many, many innocent people. And the laws still demanded their blood. 

“I have to lift the ban on magic.”, Arthur's own voice echoed within his room. He hadn't even realized he was saying it. But as each syllable hit his own ears, he knew it was true. It was only right.   
Sure, he had said earlier that he didn't want to rush things. Learn about magic first and stuff, but right now he was putting Merlin in danger over the laws.   
And he was committing treason himself by allying with him. 

And anyway, the mere fact that it was so seemingly easy to use magic proved that the laws were wrong.  
If there were people out there who were unable to control their own magic, then there was something very wrong with the laws.

No. Arthur shot himself a serious glance in the mirror.   
This could not stand any longer.   
He had to do something about this law. He had to do it NOW. Or as soon as possible, at the very least.   
With that thought, he rushed out the door. 

\-----------------------------------------

Once more, Merlin was pacing in Gaius's chambers. The physician was currently working on some sort of concoction. For a remedy for whatever kind of illness was again threatening the people of the lower town. Probably another outbreak of the sweating sickness. Who knows. 

Merlin's mind was elsewhere. 

“I used magic in front of him.”, Merlin said, just as Gaius opened his mouth to order him to stop pacing.   
Gaius stopped himself and let the vial in his hand down.   
“Did you tell him?”

“And destroy your well constructed web of lies? NO. Of course not.”, Merlin snorted displeased and shook his head. Almost angry at the question. 

“Merlin. Those lies were for your own safety. Arthur was completely against magic when you met him. His mind has changed, now that he is king. He's reaching out to magic. To YOU.  
If there ever was a time to come clean, it is now.”, Gaius sounded pained. He knew this was hard on Merlin.   
Probably harder than all the other burdens he wore on his shoulders combined. 

“How very convenient.”, Merlin snapped around to Gaius.   
“Now that he's asking for a court sorcerer. NOW I should come out. How do you expect that to go, huh?”, Merlin put up a mocking stance, as he impersonated himself.   
“Hey, Arthur. You're searching for a court sorcerer? Guess who's been lying to you since the very day we met. I was actually born with magic.   
Let me show you how I have learned to exchange a life for a life, because apparently I am powerful enough to make that kinda choice about life and death.   
Did I mention I am a dragon lord as well? Did I mention I could destroy the entire kingdom by MYSELF, without any weapon or help from other people, because, duh. I'm just that strong.  
And hey, you know what? There is a legend about me being the most powerful sorcerer to ever live, and my druid name translates to immortal, so you can't even get rid of me, even IF you tried.  
So please, recognize my overpowered existence and give me yet another position of power.   
I mean, I could easily kill you, if you don't.   
But don't worry. You can trust me, because I haven't so far.”

Merlin tilted his head at Gaius who looked at him, like he had never even considered that yes, his ward was in fact the most powerful being in all existence. And he was currently glaring at Gaius. 

“I imagine he would be VERY pleased.”, Merlin commented on his own performance and went back to pacing. 

Gaius opened his mouth yet again, to respond, but Merlin was basically in the middle of a monologue at this point.  
“He asked me to levitate a GRAPE, for god's sake. I levitated an entire HOUSE before I even knew how to TALK!  
And here I was, trying NOT to lift the fucking grape, but NO. My magic just decided now was the BEST time to do EXACTLY what it was told.”

Now, Gaius interrupted him. “Merlin, where did you get the spells from?”

Merlin huffed a frustrated laugh. “Asks the guy who gave me my very first spell book. Not that I needed a spell for this kind of magic, but I do KNOW the spells.”  
“Yes, but Arthur doesn't know that.”, Gaius started to look worried. 

Merlin waved it off. “I'm not that stupid, Gaius. Arthur gave me half a ton of spell books. He even showed me the page where it's written on. I mean, I barely pretended to read it. But -”, Merlin sighed.   
Gaius frowned, then tilted his head.   
“Merlin.”

“What!”, Merlin turned around, clearly frustrated now.   
“Are those the books he gave you?”, Gaius pointed on a staple of books that Merlin had put there when Gaius was still out doing who knows what a court physician does in the morning. 

“Yes, why?”  
Gaius flipped one of those books open and than closed his eyes. “They are written in the language of the old religion.”  
“And?”  
“Uther banned everything that ever had anything to do with magic. You really think there are many people around who still know the language? I assume, your mother taught you?”  
Merlin opened his mouth, but then his eyes widened in panic. 

“You mean -”, he started, but Gaius looked tired.   
“Merlin, Arthur can't read any of this.”  
On second thought, Gaius should have punched Merlin in the face. It would have had a less severe effect.   
Merlin sat down, staring into the void of his own doom.   
Without voicing it out loud, Merlin mouthed the word 'fuck' over and over again. His eyes frantically searching for something to hide in. 

Gaius only sighed and went back to his concoction.

“I assume -”, a voice cut through the silence.   
Merlin looked up to see Lancelot standing in the door frame, leading into the chambers.  
“Arthur doesn't know about your magic yet?”

Merlin flinched, not having noticed Lancelot sooner and desperately trying to see past him, if anyone else had heard.   
“Well okay. Then someone has to explain to me, why Arthur just lifted the ban on magic.”

Merlin's eyes widened and Gaius's concoction shattered on the floor. Scattering the contains and splinters of glass everywhere.   
“He did WHAT?”

\------------------------------------------------

“Sire, you want to do what?”  
“I hereby announce that the ban on magic shall be lifted from this day on forth. Executions based on the reasoning of magic are to be withheld until the accused have a proper trial. And it is proven that they used magic to harm another person.   
And if such a thing shall happen, the sorcerer or witch or magic user in question shall receive the same punishment as any other person would, who harmed another.   
The punishment may fall out harder, depending on the amount of harm the person has caused.”

There were whispers among the court.   
“Sire, are you serious?”, an older man asked, his voice was panicked. He had served under Uther before. And he had been one of his strongest supporters, especially regarding the laws on magic. 

“Yes.”, Arthur confirmed, but he was also shaking slightly. He had ordered the court to gather rather suddenly. He had never felt like this before, about any law.   
Excited, nervous, full of anticipation.   
He had always doubted his fathers stand on magic. And yes, there had been times when he had been sure magic was evil.  
But after talking to Gaius AND Merlin that morning, he realized something else. Considering magic as inherently evil, hurt somehow.   
Thinking that every magic user was evil, felt so, so wrong.   
His doubts had only increased, the more he listened to the accused witches that they had imprisoned in the dungeons. 

But seeing Merlin use magic. It had changed something in him. It was like he always needed reasons over reasons to keep magic as the villain in his little story.   
But he needed only one reason to think that magic could be okay.   
For the first time, since Arthur was king, he felt like he made a good, a righteous choice. It felt right to announce this. It felt good to get this burden off of his chest.   
Despite the doubts still rummaging in his mind.

“I have reason to believe that magic can not only be used by anyone. It can be used unintentionally.   
It can be used without ill intend. It can be used to raise crops. It can be used to heal.   
Surely, magic is a great power and it can be abused by anyone. But that shouldn't make us punish those who use it for good.   
We have to punish people based on the crimes they committed.”

“But magic IS a crime!”, the same man commented.   
Arthur took a deep breath. “No. It is against the law. That doesn't make magic a crime. That makes the law unjust.   
Think about what good magic could do the kingdom. How our farms would flourish. How we'd have less sicknesses in the kingdom.  
How much stronger our forces would be, if enhanced with magic.”

“And more people using magic for evil”, another man commented.   
So – Arthur noticed with satisfaction, they weren't denying that magic can be used for good.   
“Actually, I think the opposite would be the case.”, Arthur shook his head.   
“The people used magic as a form of revenge against the kingdom. Because their relatives were killed for having magic.   
How often have we heard the same pleads, the same accusations by sorcerer's who were burned at the pyre?   
Have any of you, ever stopped thinking that they meant what they said? That they were right?”

Arthur looked in the round and saw many people lowering their heads.   
“We executed magic users who attacked us for revenge on their families behalf. With that, we caused another wave of magic users who lost relatives due to magic.   
We caused our own enemies. It is time that we stop this pointless war.   
We cannot give back what we have taken. But we can stop now.   
We cannot make it right, but we can stop doing wrong.   
I think this would be the right course of action.”

Arthur felt -  
He felt proud, as he saw his men look at him with understanding eyes. With trust and believe in his leadership. He had expected more people to object him.   
Especially the old supporters of his father. But those reasons seemed to have struck a chord within even the coldest of hearts. 

Magic had taken so much from them. But maybe it could give back so much more.  
Call Arthur a sap, but he felt – hopeful, for the first time in years.

“I do not expect the change in laws to work immediately. BUT. We will start discussing them now. We will start by lifting the execution order. I have decided to get informed about magic and it's use. And I will find a suitable advisor for the matter.   
Until then, I shall expect you to inform the kingdom and think of reasonable regulations on the use of magic.   
Until further notice, the council is hereby dismissed.”

Arthur was the first to leave the great hall, but he could hear excited chatting behind him.   
And most of it sounded hopeful as well. Excited, if also confused and sometimes scared.

\----------------------------------------------

Arthur was in his room that evening, writing a few speeches under the candle light and hummed to himself, as suddenly Merlin slammed the door open.   
Arthur almost sighed in relief. So Merlin was back to normal. He didn't knock. 

“You lifted the ban on magic?”, Merlin was almost shrieking. The door shut behind him with a dramatic bang. He looked almost panicked. Something pleading in his eyes, as he stared at Arthur. But Arthur couldn't make out if the expression foreshadowed a long, intensive hug or a knife at his throat.   
Arthur decided not to test it and stood up, to be able to defend himself, if he so must. 

“For now, I just stopped the execution order. After all, neither you nor me know enough about magic to lift the ban in full.   
However, I wanted to make sure that you KNOW you won't be executed for following my orders.”

Merlin grabbed his hair. “Why?”, he asked almost desperately.  
Arthur nervously rubbed his own shoulder. Right. Merlin hadn't heard his speech this morning. A pretty good one, considering he had written none of it down.   
He had just spoken from his heart. Just, why was Merlin mad? Arthur was PROTECTING him. Merlin had no reason to be angry about that.  
“Because after what you did, yesterday, I realized something.”

“Arthur, I just lifted a grape with magic! You know how much more magic can do. How much WORSE it can do! Are you sure your reasons aren't biased?”

Arthur smiled at him. “My father would have you killed for less, Merlin.”

The air between them froze. 

“Arthur, please don't make me the single reason why you'd lift the ban.”

“I'm not.”, Arthur stared at Merlin in surprise. “You were stuttering the entire time you tried to use magic, yesterday. By all means, it shouldn't have worked at all. But it did. Which means, that people can accidentally use magic. You showed me that, but Merlin. You do realize that there have been maybe hundreds of other people who have used magic in the very same way and not had the privilege to be listened to, right? You are an example. But I am not doing this JUST for you.”

Merlin's eyes widened. “That's what you got from that?”  
Arthur smiled. “I grew up with a lot of misconceptions about magic. You know that.   
I'm trying to understand it. I'm asking you to use magic, because if there is anyone in the entire castle I would trust to not use the power against me, it would be you.   
If there was one person I could first ask to use magic and then, if I don't like it, ask you to stop using it and know that you would listen to both those orders, it would be you.   
I think, learning magic through you is my safest bet.”

Merlin stared at him. Almost wounded by so much trust in him. But there was a flicker of something else in those eyes.   
Merlin looked pained again at so many reassuring words.   
Maybe Merlin really wasn't used to so many compliments. Arthur should probably stop insulting him all the time.   
It seemed like those were getting to him harder than he had anticipated. 

“So, you're using me.”, Merlin stated.

“I am.”, Arthur did not deny it. “If you let me.”

Merlin was fighting with something. But then he sat down next to him.   
“This isn't wise.”

“Do you think it wiser to let me execute people regardless of whether they used magic for healing sicknesses or killing their loved ones?”

Merlin bit his lip. “It isn't wise to use ME, I meant. It would be wiser to use literally anyone else.”  
“The mere fact that you are aware that this dangerous and that you don't trust yourself, means, you keep yourself in check, Merlin. The fact that you know that this isn't just about you and that it won't just have an effect on you, shows how compassionate you are.   
You aren't putting your life at risk for ME here, Merlin. You're doing it for the druids, for innocent children.” 

Merlin's eyes widened at that, as though he had never considered offering his life for anyone but Arthur.  
“You're helping people who cannot speak for themselves, Merlin.   
You will tell me, if you think magic hurts you or corrupts you are anything.   
It may not be very wise to use you for this. But out of all the options I have, you are the one I'm least worried about. I trust you the most. You're being brave. I am proud of you.  
THANK you, Merlin.”

They locked eyes with each other.   
And then Arthur admitted something else, because he found the situation called for it. “Merlin, I don't want magic to be evil. If YOU can use it, just the way you are now. Than I can believe that magic can be good.   
And I really want magic to be good. I'm begging you, Merlin. Prove to me that it is. That it can be.”

Arthur wasn't as much a fool as you'd think him to be. He noticed the tears dwelling in Merlin's eyes.   
And how open and raw those emotions were that flashed through Merlin's eyes.   
Arthur distinguished the small flame from the candle. 

“Do you want to try it?”, Arthur almost whispered, as Merlin still didn't respond.   
Merlin's eyes flickered towards the candle, then to Arthur.   
“You do know the spell, right?”

Merlin nodded. Then he looked at the candle. “But I don't need it.”, he added and his eyes flashed gold.

Seconds ticked by, as Arthur stared at the candle. How the flame danced between them, putting a dim light into the room.   
Merlin's golden eyes flickered back to blue and Arthur couldn't help the tingling feeling in his limbs. There was a warmth spreading through him that had nothing to do with the candle and more with the fact that, holy shit. Merlin did it again. 

Arthur realized with a start, that Merlin was actually talented at this whole magic thing. How else was he able to light a candle without a spell after having a spell book for maybe half a day?  
He had said it before, a skilled man would always outdo a talented one.   
But a talented person who nurtured their skills was a completely different force to be reckoned with. And Arthur knew for a fact, that if they continued in this kind of speed, Merlin would be very powerful very soon. Maybe powerful enough to defeat even Morgana. 

Arthur's mouth dropped. His lips felt strangely dry at the thought of Merlin being powerful.   
Was this fear? Was Arthur scared? Or excited? Somehow Arthur didn't know which feeling he was actually feeling at this very moment. 

With each passing second, however, Merlin looked more and more worried. “Arthur, I can explain.”

“What is there to explain? Holy shit, Merlin. You are surprisingly good at this. Any other spells you can show me already?”  
Merlin stared at Arthur's excited expression. His childish fascination. His curiosity.   
Merlin had always wanted to show Arthur magic. And his genuine reaction made Merlin's bones tingle with the desire to show him. 

For so long, he had imagined to show him the extends of what he could do. Merlin raised both his hands and muttered something into them, only to reveal a single flower.   
Mesmerized, Arthur grabbed for it and inspected it from all angles.   
“This is beautiful.”, Arthur commented and looked back at Merlin. Expectant for more.. 

Merlin shuddered in a deep breath at such a positive reaction, before extending both his hands again and murmuring yet another spell.

This time, the candle went out and the room was covered in utter darkness.   
Arthur would later deny it, but he flinched at the sudden lack of light.   
Only there was no lack of light.  
He could clearly see Merlin. And slowly he could see the room again as well.   
But now, small sparks of light covered the room.   
Stars, planets, the moon, all swirled around Arthur. Covering the entire room in a mysterious beauty that only the night could bring to you. 

What kind of person ever needed such a spell?  
Whoever invented this was a genius. Because this – THIS was beautiful. Arthur could only gape at them in amazement.   
As he turned to tell Merlin how mesmerizing it was, he was faced with a golden eyed servant, wearing an amused smile on his lips.   
It was the first time that Arthur saw Merlin smile while using magic. 

Merlin's smile was sad and soft. But he looked – free. Amused. Happy. Relieved in a way Arthur had never seen him.   
Arthur felt like someone had kicked him in the gut.   
He was breathless. And enchanted by those golden eyes. Positively so.

Nervously, the room faded back into normalcy. The candle relit itself and Merlin's eyes turned back to blue. The magic was gone.   
And Arthur's heart ached from the loss. 

\--------------------------------------

“You're right. I have to tell him.”, Merlin said, as he entered Gaius chambers later that evening.   
Gaius looked up from where he sat, surprise written on his face.   
“Good, Merlin, what made you -”

“Shut up.”, Merlin demanded, as he looked at Gaius. Fright and fear in his eyes.   
“Arthur deserves to know. It has nothing to do with you.”

“Merlin, what are you doing here then?”, Gaius asked, a little caught of guard by being told to shut up.  
“Packing.”, Merlin said. “In case he decides to banish me.”

“Merlin -”

“NO!”, Merlin turned and pointed at Gaius. “I don't want to hear anything from you. I don't want to hear what you think about it. If you think it's a good choice, if you think it isn't.  
I'm not listening to you anymore.   
I will tell him. That's all you need to know.”

They exchanged a glance. And Gaius sighed. He knew what this was about. Any words from him, be it confirmation or criticism, would affect Merlin. It could cause him to change his mind. It could make him worry more or less. 

But Merlin needed to make this choice by himself. Unaffected by anyone's opinion about the whole thing.  
Gaius and Kilgharrah needed to be quiet about it. 

“I just meant, your dinner is getting cold.”

There was a pause between them.   
“Thank you, Gaius.”, Merlin said and nodded, before he sat down to quietly eat the still steaming bowl of chicken soup.

\----------------------------------------------

That night, Arthur had the strangest dream. 

He was in a dark room. With no walls, no ceiling. Just a pitch black floor. Like ink, the surface waved with each step Arthur took and mirrored his own reflection in it's depth. 

In the middle of the room stood Morgana. Surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of spheres. They were colored. Arthur barely recognized them.   
Morgana was. She looked at him, her eyes a bright gold. 

“Why now?”, she asked without an introduction. She didn't sound angry or mad. And Arthur knew this was about the laws. The magic ban.   
“I'm sorry.”, Arthur looked down and watched her reflection on the ground.   
“You could have saved me. I didn't have to leave, Arthur.”, she said. 

Arthur turned around to look at the other side of the room. And blinked heavily. In front of him stood Merlin. Merlin looked back at him.   
And then his eyes fell out of their sockets. They fell to the ground, bounced of the surface and settled as spheres around Morgana.   
As Arthur turned around, he realized that all those spheres were looking at him.   
He turned back to Merlin. His eyes regrew, only to fall out again. Like tears, they dropped to the floor.

And in the kind of logic that only makes sense within a dream, Arthur thought:   
“Merlin can't see like that.”  
So he went and picked up not two, not three, but hundreds of eyes.   
They all vanished through his hands and fell into the deep, deep sea. The amount of eyes never really changed. But Arthur picked up more and more.   
Some disappeared, others just sank beneath the surface. 

“You betrayed me Arthur.”, Morgana said and as Arthur looked back at her, he saw a sword sticking from her chest. Arthur didn't know how it had gotten there. But when he looked behind her, he saw Merlin standing behind her. Blood on his hands, despite the fact that Morgana wasn't even bleeding.   
She had blood on her hands too though. Arthur's own were also covered with the red substance.   
And now he realized that the sea they were standing on, was in fact, a deep red. 

The once blue black substance revealed itself to be blood red. And Morgana dissolved into the deep deep ocean made of blood. Her reflection disappeared with her and left only Merlin and Arthur. 

Only her eyes remained where she had stood. So Arthur did the logical thing and picked them up.  
Then Arthur walked forward and put them in to Merlin's surprised hands.   
“You need them.”, Arthur explained. “To see.”, he stated dumbly.  
Merlin's head turned to him and Arthur looked into empty sockets. Merlin made no attempt to put them in.   
So Arthur took the eyes again and pushed them inside himself. Golden eyes stared at Arthur. 

“Arthur-”, Merlin said, fondly, but confused. “They aren't yours to give.”

And then, the entire world swirled and Arthur was faced with hundreds and hundreds of people. They had no faces, but Arthur could tell they had no eyes as well.   
Behind him, the spheres flashed golden. 

\----------------------------------------

When Arthur woke up, all he could see was the ceiling above his bed.  
He knew he had only dreamed, but holy moly, what kind of dream was that?  
Morgana, he had to remind himself, had left. Long, long ago. Nobody had heard of her in years. Only a couple of months ago, Gwen had declared to follow and find her. Find her and talk to her. 

Arthur knew Morgana had magic. And by now he had also figured out that she was the one responsible for Uther's death. But after she had achieved her goal, she had completely disappeared from the surface. Arthur failed to hate her for it.   
He understood how she must feel. Especially now that he knew magic could just … happen to you.

He sometimes thought about her. What she was doing now. If she was okay. If she turned completely evil.   
But since he hadn't heard of her in quite a while, the moments he thought of her seemed to become rare and rarer.  
He hardly ever saw her in his dreams. Why he did now? Probably because he just took away the reason why she ever attacked Camelot in the first place. 

Merlin however....   
Well, Arthur saw him everyday. And Gaius said that people process everything that happened during the day in their dreams. It was only natural that Arthur saw Merlin in his dreams most often.   
Though, he did sometimes wake up quite embarrassed from those dreams.   
Without ever really remembering what he had dreamed about.   
He just knew, whatever happened in them – he didn't hate it or even dislike it. It just made him feel strange. 

Arthur turned in his bed and pulled the blanket with him. It was still dark outside. It made no sense why he was awake.  
Until one of his eyes opened and he noticed a figure standing over his bed. 

“Merlin?”  
Arthur rose his head from the pillow to see Merlin standing over him. He looked nervous.   
“Arthur, we need to talk.”

“Merlin, it's the middle of the night. Can't it wait?”

Merlin crossed his arms behind his back, which was usually a sign if him being anxious. The last time he had looked like this, he had told Arthur he was leaving for Ealdor to fight a fight he couldn't win and probably would never return from.   
It had been a goodbye. A forever goodbye. 

“I've waited long enough.”, Merlin said and the darkness of his voice send a shiver down Arthur's spine. Half asleep, Arthur almost expected Merlin to join him in the bed.   
And, delirious as Arthur was, he faintly noticed that he would actually let him. 

But before that thought could manifest in his mind, Merlin's eyes flashed golden once again and soon Arthur was more or less catapulted out of his bed. 

“OW! What the hell, Merlin!”, Arthur shouted, as he his bones hit the cold stone floor. 

“I have to talk to you.”, Merlin said, his voice sounding strained. Like he had laid awake all night, thinking about this. 

“What on earth is so important that you have to wake me up in the middle of the night?!”

“Arthur, I have magic.”

Arthur's tousled hair stuck up from all ends, as he looked over the frame of his bed.   
“I fucking know.”, he said, eyes narrowed. 

“You don't understand.”, Merlin said and he was at the brink of tears.   
Arthur's heart sunk. Okay, this was new. Merlin was actually, truly panicked and he came to Arthur for comfort. Merlin never came to Arthur with personal problems.   
This must REALLY bother him. Whatever it was.

“No, I do. Come here.” Arthur usually didn't allow hugs. But Merlin looked so lost and afraid, like he just woke up from a nightmare.   
So Arthur walked around his bed and widened his arms.   
Merlin didn't move, as Arthur put his arms around him and let Merlin bury his head in his chest. Merlin looked surprised and ready to bolt though.  
“You're scared, because we don't really know what this will have as an effect on you.   
Don't worry. I promise, I'll make sure, you'll be safe. You won't turn evil, I know you, Merlin.”

“Arthur, I was born with magic.”  
Merlin almost sobbed the muffled words. Arthur snorted, the bastard.

“Merlin, people aren't born with -”

“I was.”, Merlin insisted and pushed Arthur away from himself to look at him.   
'Holy shit, he's serious.', Arthur thought, but didn't comment on it. 

“I've been able to use magic since the day I was born. I've used it for years. I've used it IN Camelot. I've used it to protect you, from sorcerer's, from bandits. From all kinds of people.   
I did NOT start to learn it yesterday.   
The magic you made me do is stuff I could do, long before I could walk. Long, long before I came to Camelot.   
I am far stronger than you know, Arthur.   
And I've lied to you for years.”

Arthur opened his mouth, his mind frantically searching for a hint of a lie in Merlin's face. But found only honesty and tears.   
Arthur's heart clenched. His vision started to swim. He could only see Merlin and hear only what he was saying. 

“So, what you're saying is -”, Arthur begun, only to see Merlin nod in shame.   
“You've been able to control magic this entire time and you never tried to use it for revenge or anything?”

Merlin looked up at him. And now their eyes met and Arthur's head began to swim, because 'since when are we so close?'. He could count the tears on Merlin's eyelashes, if he wanted to.   
Could see every detail of his irises. Somehow, he found he didn't care that Merlin had lied to him.   
He merely registered the hurt that came with the confession.   
Then his mind told him many good reasons why anyone would lie about such a thing and that somehow lessened the impact.   
He recognized it, he accepted it. In less than mere moments. He was simply ready to hear Merlin out.

Merlin's eyes chose this very moment to burn a bright gold again. Arthur felt blinded and he inhaled sharply. 

The entire room decided to tidy itself, the fireplace rose to life.   
“I've used it for you.”  
Arthur stopped breathing. That familiar warmth spread through his body upon the confession.   
His lips felt dry again and he felt the urge to lick them.   
His mind was focusing on strange things too. Like – how sharp Merlin's cheek bones looked in the firelight. Or how his hair stood up from all sides. How much Arthur wanted to reach out to untangle them. 

He cleared his throat. 

“Okay then.”, was all he could say. It didn't really matter. Arthur had seen Merlin use magic.   
And Arthur knew exactly the reason why any sorcerer would hide their magic from the king who punished it's use with death.   
The ban was lifted now. Only now Merlin was able to freely talk, without feeling like pressuring Arthur into changing the law. 

No. Arthur made that decision himself. Merlin was the last person who would have manipulated him into it.   
Yes, Merlin had lied to him. He had not been ready to tell him. Now he was. Arthur merely needed to be ready to listen. Now he was, apparently.

Merlin huffed out a frustrated breath. “Is that all?”, he asked, almost hiccuping at the question.  
“That's all you have to say?”

“Thank you for proving to me that magic isn't evil.”

“You don't even know what I've done with it!”, Merlin looked outraged. Disbelieving. Like the sentence itself edged itself into his mind.  
“I know that you'd use it for Camelot. For me. Which is the exact opposite of what any other sorcerer has ever done. Besides, I know you. You couldn't hurt a fly.”  
Arthur knew his half tired smile was too sappy and fond to be taken seriously. But he was tired and he was alone with Merlin, and they were still far too close and Arthur couldn't THINK.....

“I killed your father.”, Merlin said.   
It took many, many moments for Arthur to register those words. For his face to fall and to push Merlin away. 

“What?” Arthur had to admit. That was the LAST thing he had on his mind right now. 

“I'm sorry. I tried to save him. I -”, Merlin let his hand sink and knelt before him.   
His eyes flashed golden once more and a second later, Arthur felt his hand tighten around a familiar cold weight. His sword. Merlin had put it there with his magic. Not even Arthur slept with his sword.   
Arthur felt -  
He didn't know how he felt. On the one hand, the echoes of Merlin's confession rang in his head. But on the other, he could see what Merlin was doing. Where this was going.   
What Merlin expected of him. Merlin sank his head, as if waiting for his execution. 

What Arthur didn't know and what Merlin had only thought of after his little fight with Gaius was, that Excalibur was the only weapon that could kill Merlin. It wasn't something that Merlin would address right now. It didn't matter. Only that Arthur could make this choice for himself, did.

“I told you, I am not fit to be court sorcerer. I do not want to leave your side. I cannot NOT use magic. It's impossible. There are too many threats to this kingdom.   
But I will refrain from using it, if it's not necessary to protect you. Please, keep me as your manservant. If you can't do that, kill me right now. My purpose is to serve and protect you. If I can't do that, I don't want to live.”  
Merlin closed his eyes. Waiting. 

Arthur felt his rib cage expanding. His heart hitting against it and hurting so much, he felt tears sting at his own eyes. 

Arthur as well closed his eyes, as he gripped the sword tighter. It was the sword from the stone. The legendary sword. The one Merlin had found and therefore proven that Arthur was worth to be king.   
What had Merlin said back then?  
'The people believe in you, Arthur. But it counts for nothing, if you don't believe in yourself.'

Arthur rose the sword.   
Merlin didn't even flinch. 

Merlin's eyes only shut harder and his head lowered further. But then he felt the cold metal of the blade hovering over his right shoulder. Then his left, then his right and he opened his eyes in surprise.   
“Arthur, what are you -”

“I pronounce you, Merlin of Ealdor, son of Hunith, court sorcerer of Camelot.”, Arthur said, voice heavy with emotion, but as serious as can be.   
Merlin's eyes widened and he scrambled to his feet. “No no no no, Arthur. You can't do that! I'm not -”

“Yes, Merlin. You are.”, Arthur turned around and put the sword back where Merlin had found it. In it's sheath in the cabinet, where he usually put it. 

“Arthur!”

“Merlin!”, Arthur turned around with a snap and grabbed Merlin by the shoulders. 

“Arthur, please -”, tears ran from Merlin's eyes. 

“Merlin, listen to yourself! The sorcerer who killed my father -”  
“That WAS me!”, Merlin insisted.   
“Let me finish!”, Arthur ordered. “The sorcerer who killed my father tried to SAVE him. It was the PENDANT around his neck that killed him.   
Unless YOU put it there, you did NOT betray me.”

Merlin stilled, eyes wide and Arthur felt the strange urge to wipe away the tears.   
Arthur didn't need to ask. He knew Merlin hadn't put the pendant there. He could see it in the shock in Merlin's eyes.  
Merlin shivered and looked at his feet.   
Arthur's expression softened. “I didn't think so.”

“Still, I can't be your court sorcerer, I can't -”  
“Just do whatever you can. That will be enough for me.”  
Arthur had never thought he'd see the day, where he would try to persuade Merlin into being his court sorcerer.   
He had never thought, he would one day have to comfort Merlin over the fact that he had magic, either.   
He had never even considered LIKING the idea of Merlin having magic.   
And yet here he was. Each minute that passed, Arthur's mind wrapped itself around a magical Merlin and seemed to hold on to the idea, like his life depended on it. 

And he could not imagine Merlin doing evil with it.   
The idea of lifting the ban completely got more and more appealing.   
And this change had happened in but one day. 

One. Single. World changing day. 

Yesterday around this time, Arthur had been almost too scared to ask Gaius for advice about magic users. Too scared to even voice his concerns about the magic ban to Merlin.  
It felt like years ago. (5)

It was something he never dared to discuss with Merlin. How could he blame Merlin for not discussing it with him either?

“Now, Merlin. I would say, now that you apparently don't need time to actually learn magic, I will make your new position official first thing in the morning.”

Merlin looked up again. It was strange to see Merlin look up at Arthur, because he was actually taller than him. But Arthur liked that they could see eye to eye like that.   
“You're going to need new robes too.”

Arthur was starting to ramble. Because honestly, if Merlin kept looking at him like that, Arthur was going to loose his mind. How he survived the remaining hours of that night, Arthur didn't know. All he knew was that eventually Merlin and him had sat down in front of the fire and Merlin began to pour him some wine, by HAND and then they were talking about the law change. 

And the more Merlin talked about magic and how he had used it in Ealdor, where magic was legal, the more Arthur learned and lost himself in the topic.   
He realized, rather pleased actually, that magic sounded like the most wonderful thing in the world.

\---------------------------------------

“Court sorcerer, huh?”, Lancelot raised both his eyes as he watched Merlin being measured for his new robes.   
“It was Arthur's idea. Not mine.”

Merlin had just finished explaining to Lancelot about his confession to Arthur. Right after Arthur had proven his word true and announced the new court sorcerer to his court.   
The court had been almost outraged, so Merlin was asked to demonstrate his powers.   
And Merlin had used his magic to create a magical dragon made of flames for them.   
The crest of Camelot. 

Half the court had been too scared or stunned to say anything. Gwaine however, had only shouted “I FUCKING KNEW IT!” and had to be dragged away by Percival.   
After that, Arthur had been forced to explain his decision and held an embarrassingly long heartfelt speech about how well suited Merlin was for the job.   
Consisting of words that described Merlin's talent for magic, his competence as an advisor (much to Merlin's surprise) and then spiraled into reasons upon reasons why Merlin was the bravest, most loyal and trustworthy person Arthur knew. 

By the end of his speech, Merlin's ears weren't the only one's burning and Leon had eventually had to stop his king from going into too much detail about Merlin's love for nature and animals and his ability to make Arthur laugh even at the most dire of days. 

“I swear, by tomorrow the entire kingdom thinks you've put Arthur under a love spell.”

Merlin sputtered bright red. “What on earth are you talking about?”

“Really, Merlin? You do realize that he told the entire court how you convinced him to marry for love, not convenience and how that was the best decision of his life. I wouldn't have been surprised, if he went and proposed to you right there and then.”

“That's not what it is.”, Merlin argued and tried to ignore the laughter of the seamstress who was trying to measure the width of his arms for the fifth time now. She was too busy listening to them to pay much attention to her work. 

Lancelot raised an eyebrow. 

“Arthur merely likes magic, that is all.”

There was a pause. “You do realize what you just said, right?”, Lancelot asked, clearly amused, as Merlin's eyes widened at his own words and he stared at the next mirror at the wall.   
“Merlin, you ARE magic.”  
“Arthur doesn't know that!”

The seamstress paused in confusion, but with a wide smile. Somehow, she wasn't bothered by the fact that Merlin was a sorcerer at all. 

“Not consciously, he doesn't....... Yet.” 

“Oh, shut up.”, Merlin said embarrassed and bit his lips.   
“You don't seem too bothered by it, though.”

Merlin threw up his arms. “So, what if I like that he likes magic? What if I'm relieved that he doesn't want to kill me over having lied to him or being responsible for his father's death!  
What if I'm grateful that he accepts me for who I am!”

The seamstress hissed in a deep breath.   
Lancelot looked at him almost pityingly. “I think you're more than grateful for it. I think, you're so grateful in fact, that you'd do anything to show him just HOW grateful you are.”

“LANCE!”, Merlin flushed bright red. 

“What! I'm right and you know it.”

“Shut up.”

“Look, you're not even denying it.”

“Leave me alone!”

“Just sayin'.”, Lancelot laughed. 

\---------------------------------------------------------

Let's just say the seamstress was quite the chat and by the end of that day, EVERYONE knew what Lance and Merlin had been talking about.   
Which sadly, did not erase people's assumptions that Merlin had, allegedly, used a love potion. 

When Arthur heard of this, he felt outraged! Merlin would never enchant him, seriously.   
He could deal with the other nonsense. People had always liked to tell him whom he could like or not and who liked him in return. Who would be a perfect match, etc. etc.   
And his recent focus on Merlin was bound to spread gossip like that. 

But suggesting that Merlin would enchant him? Ridiculous. (6)

And if that wasn't enough, Merlin refused to meet his eyes. Right. Merlin was not used to such nonsense.   
Arthur shook his head. It was better to wait for such gossip to pass, instead of acknowledging them. 

Though, Arthur had to admit, he was watching and listening to Merlin more than ever.   
They spend almost each minute of every day together.   
Because at this point, Merlin was not only his manservant, he was also an official advisor of sorts. 

Which meant that Arthur was officially taking his council in account. Which, in turn, caused Arthur to seek out his opinion more and more. On literally everything.   
More often than not, Merlin was reading for him from one of those magic books. 

Arthur was surprised, when Merlin finally confessed to have learned the language from his mother, not Gaius. Because Hunith had wanted Merlin to be able to learn magic. And this was the least she could do. 

So, while Merlin read to him about the history of magic and how the world was made of magic and how creatures and souls sought their power and life energy from it, Arthur listened intently. He took every information in, like he was thirsting for it.   
And with each information, he found he saw Merlin in a different light.   
Since Merlin was born with magic, Arthur could see the descriptions of magic applying to Merlin as well. 

Like, how magic nurtured nature. How it was drawn to life. Needless to say, when Merlin told Arthur he could feel the life around him, he felt his breath stuck in his throat. 

Arthur got used to constantly hearing new magic confessions from Merlin. How Merlin told him that he could tell magic users apart from merely a glance. How he could telepathically converse with druids. How the crystal from neathid was actually a crystal that made Merlin see the future and was by no means a functional weapon, like Uther had taught Arthur to believe. 

The only thing that did not get in to Arthur's head was that Merlin kept telling him how powerful he was. He always waved it off, when Merlin tried to tell him how often he had saved his life.   
Not rarely accompanied by Arthur's favorite comment: “You don't have to prove your loyalty to me, Merlin. I already know. “

Needless to say, Merlin was getting frustrated. 

Of course, Arthur did not notice any of these things. He recognized that Merlin claimed to be strong. But the extend was yet unknown to him.   
He didn't deem it important. 

In fact, it didn't become important until the day that Mercia decided to attack. 

It had been a rather calm day. Merlin had JUST been given his new robes. The court sorcerer robes.   
Merlin had frowned upon them. But it was essential that people noticed his new status from far away. 

Merlin wore normal black trousers, and a dark blue shirt. As well as a long cape or cloak in the same deep colors. It as accentuated by a golden embroidery of the Pendragon crest on the back.   
The buttons on the cape, were golden as well and connected through chains. 

The position of the court sorcerer did not require chain mail, of course. But Merlin's arms were no protected by metallic clasps around his arms and knees.   
He had also been gifted with brand knew boots.   
And, because Gaius had insisted this was tradition, Merlin's head was basically crowned in silver.   
Well, it WAS some kind of crown.   
Like a Chinese dragon the long body of the thing wrapped itself around Merlin's head. 

Merlin felt ridiculous in his new outfit. He almost favored the feathered hat Arthur once made him wear. 

But when he entered the great hall, his own staff at his side, the one he had stolen from the sidhe, and he saw Arthur's eyes resting on him, he felt giddy with anticipation.   
Because Arthur was frozen in his position at the round table, where he had JUST held a speech about the impending war.   
Arthur just stopped talking, which is why the knights of the round table and his advisors all turned to Merlin. 

Who gulped, as he joined at the table, at Arthur's right.   
The first time Arthur had insisted he'd take that place, Merlin had almost fainted from shock.   
Right now, however, he stood there with pride.   
There were coughs, trying to remind Arthur what he had called them here for. 

But Arthur needed a moment to process the sight in front of him. And it was this very moment, that his brain chose to inform him that :  
'No, Arthur. This is not how you usually feel about servants. This is not how you are supposed to feel. The golden eyes were one thing, because you had never seen magic before. But you can't excuse this. You're staring at him. And he's not even doing anything. He's just standing there being pretty. STOP staring!'

Arthur blinked back to reality. And forced himself to stutter through the rest of his speech.   
The war, he had to remind himself, had first priority.   
No matter how nicely that crown fit Merlin's eyes and how sad it was that his eyes weren't golden, because it would FIT the Pendragon crest on his back to PERFECTLY and - (7)

“Mercia has been fighting over resources with my father for years. They already saw us as weak, when I stepped up the throne.   
But now that the ban on magic is released, they seem to believe this is a sign that we have no other option but to call for stronger measures to strengthen our defenses.   
They have already reached the border of Camelot. We will ride at dawn.   
We will show them, just how wrong they are about our strength.”

“Will Merlin be fighting with us? With his magic, I mean?”, Lancelot asked.   
Arthur dared to glance at Merlin. And now the light was hitting him in just the right angle and -  
“Of course I will.”, Merlin nodded seriously.   
This had people murmuring. 

“No offense, Merlin, but -”, one of the older members of the court spoke up.   
“There is a difference between pretty party tricks and battle magic.”  
“I am powerful enough to defend myself, thank you.”, Merlin said, slouching a little in his position. Almost insulted at the comment. 

“Merlin, if this is a number too big for you, I'll understand -”, Arthur tried to talk him out of it, but Merlin silenced him with a wave of his hand.   
“Believe me. If it weren't for my magic, most of you would already be dead. Most of all, YOU, Arthur. I told you I used it in Camelot to protect you. That counts for more than poisoned chalices and noticing enchanted bracelets.”

“Mercia is said to have Wyverns, Merlin.”, Arthur sighed, wanting to believe Merlin, but fearing that Merlin was overestimating himself.   
Merlin huffed in annoyance. 

Murmuring had started to spread at the round table.   
“A sword can kill Wyverns, but they are especially nasty creatures.”, Arthur explained to them. “I know for a fact that Gwaine here has already killed one of them before.”

Neither Merlin, Gwaine, nor Arthur mentioned that that had happened on a quest that Arthur was supposed to go on alone. 

Merlin sighed and rolled his eyes, while Gwaine bowed from the appreciating glances directed at him. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

They did ride at dawn.   
And they reached the border of Camelot before nightfall as well.  
From afar Arthur could hear the wyverns roaring in the distance. He could tell those roars apart easily. 

Merlin and him had been riding next to each other almost the entire times. Each time they granted their horses a break, Merlin had been covered nose deep into his magic books.   
Which gave Arthur the perfect opportunity to watch him. Because Merlin still wore his new outfit and Arthur thought it fit Merlin better than they had ever anticipated. 

“What exactly are you reading?”, Arthur asked. Merlin put his book down.   
“I was wondering if it was possible for Wyverns to be controlled by potions. Since there are no other dragon lords left, I figured the only reason why Wyverns would listen to sorcerers or something, would be if they were under the influence of a powerful potion. 

According to this -”, Merlin slapped the book, that must be the poison and antidotes book, “I'm right.”

“Is there a way to reverse the effects?”

Merlin snorted at that. “To do that, you'd have to sneak into their camp and give them the antidote. Which would only stop the control our enemies have on them. The Wyverns would still attack.”

“Then what do you suggest we do?”, Arthur asked, sounding worried. 

“I'll handle them.”, Merlin said without looking up as he turned the page. 

“Merlin -”

“Arthur, I can do this. I know I can.”

“I can't put you in danger like that.”

“I won't be in danger. Besides, I've done far worse to protect you.”

That was not at all ensuring to Arthur. But there was no persuading Merlin to leave things to Arthur and the knights.   
Merlin was dead set on putting his own life at the line.   
Arthur only hoped it would turn out like usual. With Merlin hiding behind a tree and being SAVE.

Now that they stood in front of the army, Arthur realized that Merlin would NOT be hiding behind a tree.   
Not this time. This time he looked about as dead set to fight as any of the knights.   
“Merlin, if you need cover or anything -”

“Arthur stay back.”, Merlin demanded. And then he lifted himself off of the back of his loyal mare. 

Arthur wondered for merely a second, what Merlin was doing, before he hurried to follow Merlin.   
Because Merlin was heading in the direction of the enemy army.   
Standing between hundreds of knights that were facing each other, Merlin took his staff and rammed it into the ground before him.   
It glowed mystically in the dim light. 

But Mercia's sorcerer's had only narrowed their eyes and staffs at the small boy. They did not see him a threat.   
And the king of Mercia, who rode calmly in the back, only gave orders to start attacking.   
“Merlin -”

“Arthur, I ordered you to wait. I'll handle this.”, Merlin said, his eyes glistening with determination.   
Arthur blinked, knowing there was no getting through to Merlin.   
“Alright. But as soon as one of their arrows as much as reaches our side, I will order the knights to attack.”  
“Fine.”  
“Merlin, are you sure -”

“I told you to let me handle this. Let me handle it.” Finally, Merlin turned around and shared a golden glance with Arthur. It was one of those glances that made Arthur weak in the knees.   
So the kind submitted and went back to his murmuring knights. 

“Sire, our enemies have sorcerers as well.”, Sire Leon muttered towards Arthur, who mounted his horse in silence.   
“You heard him.”, Arthur shook his head with worry. 

And then, the king of Mercia waved his hand as a signal for arrows to be send their ways.   
Arthur barely kept himself from unsheathing his sword, as Merlin waved his hand at his staff. 

The glowing intensified.   
Hundreds, maybe thousands of arrows. An entire sea of arrows was send their way. Time seemed to stop, as Arthur took a deep breath. And then, golden waves emitted from Merlin's staff and suddenly, the entire army of Camelot was covered in a giant golden bubble of magic.   
Only when the first arrow hit the surface, Arthur realized what this thing was.   
The arrows barely hit the golden shield, before they evaporated into nothing but dust. 

Arthur's grip on his sword loosened.   
And then he looked back at the army that now ran towards them. Only slightly intimidated by the giant golden barried.   
Arthur could see the Mercian sorcerers work together to create a similar shield.   
There were a dozen of sorcerers and yet their shield didn't seem to be half as strong as Merlin's was. 

Merlin seemed to be taking a long breath, as he rose both of his hands, and underneath them, the ground not only shook, but creaked open. 

The attacking knights, their horses, all gut stuck in the ground that opened beneath them and some of them were swallowed whole.   
Another wave of magic and roots, grass and vines grew from the grounds to attack the knights as well. 

Merlin didn't even waver, as a particularly nasty group of men came entirely too close to him.   
Merlin rose an arm and the entire group was thrown backwards onto the lances of their own comrades. 

Arthur's vision focused only on Merlin, as he gaped at the sight.   
His ears deafened from the shouts and cries of their enemies. All while the entirety of Camelot's army was stunned with complete silence. 

Now the sorcerer's shouted magical orders at the Wyverns, which caused them to let go of the magical barrier. Their barried weakened because of that, but Merlin's barrier didn't even budge for a second.   
The Wyverns now flew over their heads.   
And Arthur wanted to fight them, he really did. But somehow he knew that it was not necessary.   
He rose his hand at his own knights, who were ready to fight now, since the Wyverns had been their biggest concern, after all. 

But he didn't need to, because in response to their Wyverns, Merlin roared. 

Arthur's arm fell, as the Wyverns halted mid air. Heads shaking, as though Merlin had shouted an order at him. Which overpowered whatever enchantment they had been under and caused them to turn around and attack the men who had captured and enslaved them. 

Merlin made one step further, and, as though his barrier had collected enough arrows, the entire sea of weapons now hovered above his own arms.   
The king of Mercia, who had been as shocked about the entire affair as Arthur had, immediately shouted for cover.   
And the poor men, who could still move, hurried for their shields.   
The arrows must have killed dozens of them. Because Merlin controlled them, he could control their course and therefore, the arrows never missed. 

When the dust finally settled, the enemy lines were pure chaos and destruction.   
The ground beneath them open, their men captured or wrapped in veins, killed by arrows or eaten alive by Wyverns.   
“RETREAT!”, the king of Mercia shouted. 

Merlin stood there and waited for another attack. But none came. The entire army, thousands of men, followed their orders and retreated. 

“Holy shit.”  
Arthur couldn't help but agree. Lancelot was riding on his left now, holding on to Merlin's mare so it wouldn't freak and run away.   
“Sometimes I forget what a powerful sorcerer Merlin is.”(8)

“What did you say?”, Arthur turned around. 'Merlin? Powerful?'

“Nothing. Just that Merlin is incredibly powerful.”, Lancelot shrugged, without looking at Arthur. 

Arthur, however, stared ahead at his former servant, who still stood there before them. Merely a silhouette in the setting sun. Powerful magic still radiated from him in waves and Arthur realized with a start – 'he is.'

“Yes.”, he said, completely thrown off guard. “He is – isn't he.”

Needless to say, nobody would ever doubt Merlin again. 

\--------------------------------------------------

“Gaius, I think I'm scared of Merlin.”

They had just returned from the 'war', that had been more of a one sided slaughter, really.   
Arthur still had trouble wrapping his mind around the fact that bumbling, hiding, terrified Merlin was the same guy who just overpowered an entire army completely on his own. 

“What makes you say that?”

“Well -”, Arthur said unnecessarily loud. “He's a dragon lord, he JUST bested an entire army of his own and controlled their Wyverns and -”

“Yes yes. Merlin is powerful. But since when are you afraid of him? You know that Merlin is on your side.”

“But I wasn't aware that he could fight entire wars by himself!”

Gaius shook his head in amusement. “That makes him strong. But that's no reason for you to be scared, my lord.”

“You weren't THERE, Gaius! He made a giant barrier of magic! He made the entire ground open up and swallow our enemies!”  
Honestly, even Arthur should acknowledge that his voice was cracking at the words. But his eyes ware somewhere else and he was swallowing hard.   
He ran his hand through his hair. 

“I couldn't take my eyes off him. In the end he ordered one of the Wyverns to bring the king of Mercia over and make him bow to me.   
The entire world kneels to Merlin's feet! You can't imagine -”

“You're not scared of him, Sire.”, Gaius sounded exhausted. 

“I have every reason to be.”

“Arthur -”, Gaius send him a painful smile. “You do. But you're not.” There was a pause.   
One last, harmless pause, before Gaius shattered the last piece of sanity that Arthur had left in his mind.   
“You're attracted to it.”

All color faded from Arthur's expression. He was rendered speechless. Until, of course, he spoke again.

“WHAT?”, he shrieked. “I am NOT -”  
“You are, Sire. An idiot can see the way you look at him.   
Magic has always been considered dangerous. And yet, you marvel at the sight of Merlin's golden eyes. You become speechless, you stop talking, you completely interrupt everything you're doing, just so you can stare at him.   
I'm not blind. The entire kingdom is not blind.   
Each time you learn something new about Merlin's magic it's getting worse. 

You're not just attracted to Merlin. You're attracted to his magic and the power that comes with it. And quite frankly, it's getting exhausting to watch.   
So now, please go, fess up and start officially courting him, before I loose my patience.”

“GAIUS!”, Arthur shrieked again, because how DARE he insist that Arthur was attracted to Merlin's MAGIC of all things!

“I am right, and if you weren't a hormonal teenager whose father had him locked in his room for most if his life, you'd know it too.”

Arthur opened his mouth to respond.   
“ It's Merlin. He won't hurt you over this. Trust me. He would do anything for you. Now go and ask for it.”, with that, Gaius shoved him out the door, before slamming it shut right in front of Arthur's nose. The old physician, was officially done.

Arthur blinked, his mouth still open. He turned around, only to be met by startling blue eyes.   
Arthur froze at the sight of Merlin in his court sorcerer robes.   
“Arthur? Did you need anything?”

Arthur couldn't move, as he pressed his back against the wooden door.   
Merlin had his head tilted. Arthur could see every angle, every strand of hair. He could see the deep blue in those irises and wished for them to be golden.   
He saw Merlin's mouth be slightly open and felt his own mouth dry at the sight.   
He felt his breath increasing as he only thought of the way Merlin had destroyed an entire army with those lean hands.   
'Fuck fuck fuck -', his mind screamed at him. And it was probably the most intellectual thing his mind had told him all week while looking at Merlin. 

Gaius was freaking right.   
He was attracted to Merlin. What had Merlin asked? “Did you need anything?”  
And Arthur's mind constricted not with things he needed, but that he desperately wanted.   
His eyes widened. (9) Nope, nope, this was not good. 

Merlin narrowed his eyes to a frown. “You're not scared of me now, are you? Because -”

“You.”  
Arthur paled even further as he realized which question he had just mindlessly answered. 

Merlin blinked, confusion written clearly on his face.   
“My chambers.”, Arthur gesticulated wildly. “Now.”  
And at Merlin's confused expression, Arthur swallowed deeply before cupping Merlin's face with both his hands. 

Merlin did not back away. But they locked eyes. “Please?”, Arthur asked, resting his forehead on Merlin's.   
Merlin sucked in a breath. “Please what?”  
“Anything you want.”, Arthur answered weakly and was so close now that even Merlin could not misunderstand the mere millimeters between there lips as something platonic. 

Merlin's eyes widened as his head backed away slightly to be able to flicker towards his lips.   
“Anything?”  
Arthur would love to wipe that grin off of Merlin's face. But he couldn't. Merlin was more powerful than him. And he held his power OVER him, which did nothing to ease Arthur's current situation. He had already sold his soul to this man.  
“Anything.”, Arthur surrendered willingly. (10)

**Author's Note:**

> (1) I had to stop at this passage and laugh like.... five minutes or something, because it's so ridiculous, but also kinda true lmao. Anxiety is fun. Haha. Hahahah. HA. Very funny O.O  
> (2) This counts for anything, really. For writing, for art, etc.. Also, I thought it fit the time better, if I used man, instead of human or person. It's still kinda gender neutral I think. In a way. I hope. At the time it was, I would assume. Maybe I'm just too self conscious about my word choices.  
> (3) This, too, is a thing. When you do something, make sure you connect it to something positive in your life. Stop drawing or writing while you're having fun, not when it get's frustrating. That way you can trick your brain in to wanting to draw more. Or write more.   
> Why am I giving advice for pursuing your hobbies in a book about magic again?  
> Right, because your hobbies are magic. Magic is to create. SO – if you wanna do magic, draw a picture. Write a poem or something. The effects may surprise you.   
> It's one of the closest things to magic we can do in he modern world.   
> (4) JKR sucks. But there is no denying she had a run with the HP books. I know Merlin was basically before all that, I just made a random reference again.  
> (5) I really hope, I'll update this on the 1 of January, because that would be SO funny XD  
> (6) Jesus christ, Arthur is. I can't even. What is he even doing at this point?  
> I did not make him that way, I swear. He just does what he wants. I have a bad feeling about this. I can't stop it. I'm crying, I'm trying really. But it's impossible.   
> He's so oblivious, I can't -   
> It's hilarious, though.  
> (7) I swear, I have nothing to do with this. I am embarrassed for him, tbh.   
> (8) This is an ATLA reference. I made this one on tumblr before. Because I love that scene in Avatar. I decided to use it again  
> (9) my favorite thing is Arthur gay panicking  
> (10) holy shit, Arthur, I can't do this anymore. NOPE, I'm out! throws table  
> Leave me alone. Put your horny arse somewhere I don't have to see it!  
> You can do that, but don't make me WRITE it! Go, the fuck, away!!!!


End file.
